Wednesday, December 13, 2006

And our award for "Best use of a Vehicle" goes to...

This is a rather fun set of pictures I have collected and I hope you will find them amusing. In the normal course of my day I am constantly looking for new and exciting images. As you can see, this passenger is clearly "car sick" as is evident by the discoloration in its face and by the tongue that hangs listlessly out of it's mouth. After carefully assessing the situation before moving in ready to apply my first-aid knowledge I realized this patient was beyond my help. In fact, there's really only one person that could help this patient. More on that later though.

The day wore on and more and another of these car sick individuals rolled in. In one instance I tried to talk to it but found it was in no condition to make any noises what-so-ever. I mean seriously though, how can you diagnose your patients if you cannot even hear their ills and aches? The patient appeared to be in a state of lucidness. Coma-like. Non-responsive. I began to wonder if something more sinister wasn't afoot here. I needed a closer look. I needed to determine what I was dealing with here... . What forces were at work? What viral pathogens are to blame for this? What if it were contagious? How long before the CDC found out? Could this reach pandemic proportions?I had to act swiftly if the human race had any chance at all for survival Reaching for my pry-bar and flashlight I decided to move in.

Now, any ordinary lay-persons might conclude that nothing was wrong with these patients. But to my trained eye I knew differently. Zero pupil dilation, low respiration (did I check for that?), extremely weak pulse. Never mind the lack of internal organs, pools of near-bye blood, and gaping shotgun wound to the upper thoracic region. I remember thinking I was glad these two patients would be the only ones. Perhaps my fears could be laid to rest or were simply a manifestation of my boyish unfounded laden linguistic superhype hypothetical intrinsic thinking. Or as the Medical for clinical science puts it "BULLSHIT". No, this wasn't the case and my worse fears were realized at the sight of what came next. The El Camino from hell! A long time ago a near and dear friend of mine helped me distinguish the differences between an El Camino and a Cabelero (sp?). I never understood why he called the El Camino the "Harbinger of Death". I could now see why! It came off of the street belching smoke like a demon spawn from hellfire!

What was happening here? How could so much carnage be contained in the bed of ElCamino? It could have been El Diablo for all I knew. El Diablo in disguise. It must have been worse than I thought. Average, every day citizens were converting their vehicles as medical transports to bring in their sick and dying. I began to feel helpless at the patients continued in one after the other. All of them exhibiting the same symptoms. Lolling tongue, viscerated cavity, bullet wound to the upper chest area. And this El Camino filled to the brim with madness!!!! I had to get away. The weasels were closing in on all sides. That rotten attorney of mine Dr. GOnzo had fled hours ago. I knew i had to leave. That's when I realized that my patients were not suffering from an fact, they were already dead.

Oh, and if you're still wondering who the only person able to help these patients might be, well, that'd be the butcher. Yummmmmmmmmmmm.


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